Brought together through a shared pain

23 August 2004

JENNIFER CUNNINGHAM

There are no secrets between Ellen, a lone mother from Paisley, and Dorothy, a middle-class Ayrshire housewife, although in the normal course of events their paths would probably never have crossed.

They have been brought together by a painful subject: drug abuse by a member of their family. As they have learned, the problem no-one wants to talk about affects more and more "nice, normal, respectable families", as Dorothy describes them.

She was one of them, until she discovered her son was a drug addict. "Everyone remembers what they were doing when they heard President Kennedy had been shot, or Princess Diana was dead. It's the same when you hear your child is an addict." For her, that moment came four years ago when her severely ill son was brought home by a friend. She had no idea what was wrong and phoned a friend of his, who asked: "Didn't you know he's on heroin?"

Brian was 30 and, after university, had been involved in creating and producing music without managing to string together a coherent career. He was far from the stereotype of an addict; school reports described him as hard-working and at the age of 15 he was fit and courageous enough to swim across Lake Windermere.

For this boy, whose future had seemed so bright, to become a wreck on the floor, made her feel not just despairing but "isolated, stigmatised and shattered". Eventually she and Brian found a sympathetic GP who prescribed a heroin substitute, but it was two years before she discovered a family support group through the Bridge Project in Ayrshire.

"It was a relief to find people who understood, because, when there's an addict in the family, every member of the family suffers. For every drug user, probably 10 other people are affected," she says. Two years since her first contact with family support she knows that "drugs affect people with horses and dogs and country houses, children who have had opportunities in their lives, as well as people who live in poverty".

Dorothy and Ellen are helping to publicise the work of family-support groups and the Scottish Executive Know the Score drugs information service by appearing on Talking Scotland, a series of one-minute slots on Scottish Television and Grampian.

They have already been involved in setting up the Scottish Network of Families Affected by Drugs. There are 95 family-support groups in Scotland and the network provides an understanding environment and information about rehabilitation services. It was clear from their first conference that there was a need for a 24-hour helpline as a first point of contact for relatives after that moment of discovery. They now have £180,000 from the Scottish Executive to pay a co-ordinator to recruit and train volunteers for the line, which will be piloted next month in Glasgow and Stranraer.

Most people go straight to their GP, but the service GPs give to drug addicts varies. Both women found doctors who provided support and Ellen remains grateful to her GP, who insisted that she get help for herself as well as her daughter.

It took her time to find that help. "I knew there was some sort of project in the local community centre, so I went there. The worker put me in touch with another mother. It was such a relief to both of us to be able to talk that, together, we started a group," she says.

Helping a child to kick a dependent heroin habit takes its toll not just on parents, but on their relationships with other family members and their own self-esteem: was it something they did? Eventually Ellen's daughter, Anne, said to her: "I took drugs because I wanted to. It made me feel good. It wasn't because of anything you did. It wasn't because you split up with Dad."

Both of them have been on an emotional rollercoaster, seeing some improvement, beginning to hope then suffering the relapse along with the addict. "You still love the person, but you loathe their behaviour," adds Dorothy. She has found strength from channelling her frustration into action and has helped set up the Lighthouse Foundation in Kilmarnock to support families of drugs and alcohol abusers. It offers regular meetings and individual counselling sessions, but has also brought families together with the statutory services, including police, social work and health.

Although public money is put in to the fight against drugs, the gaps between services often prove fatal. Dorothy recounts the story of one "respectable" family with two sons who, despite having jobs and families, also had heroin habits. They ended up in jail, went through detox and died from overdoses when they came out. Support hadn't been there.

What makes this story even more dreadful is that it is not unique. As 85% of the prisoners in Bowhouse Jail in Kilmarnock are addicts, she is campaigning for better after-care. Both women are lobbying MSPs for an integrated approach. Ellen enlisted the support of her MSP at the time and also backed the Scottish Socialist MSP Rosemary Byrne's bill to establish a support centre in every town in Scotland, although she doesn't agree with her politics. The figures speak louder than political differences: there is one 12-bed crisis centre in Glasgow and 19,600 users registered at needle exchanges.

"We're told that we can't have more rehabilitation places because they are expensive. What about the cost of addicts turning to crime – the cost of keeping them in jail, the cost to businesses of shoplifting?" asks Ellen.

Her daughter has been through withdrawal half a dozen times, but had remained clean for no more than three months at a time. Now she is in Phoenix House in Glasgow, has been clean for six months and is about to be tested by moving to a supported house. Dorothy's son, after four years of being cared for at home by his parents, is about to start a college course.

Neither can be confident that their children have conquered their habits. Both say that their addiction to drugs has changed their families forever. In spite of their own suffering, however, they have found the energy to help dispel the stigma by appearing on Talking Scotland, which starts today.

They are concerned with the practicalities of helping families. So, they take time to talk to and listen to other parents and to help the children and teenagers who have come to hate the brother or sister who has ruined the family. They organise barbecues and outings and take some of the children whose lives have been blighted on holiday. That, though, is the sticking-plaster solution to a problem they know is worse and more widespread than we want to acknowledge.

Talking Scotland, a series of one-minute programmes sponsored by the Scottish Executive, will follow news bulletins at 3.05pm and 6.25pm, weekdays on Scottish Television and Grampian.

For further information visit www.talkingscotland.com or Scottish Drugs Forum.

Section Navigation:?

Main Navigation

Brought together through a shared pain

News Archive